FUCK IT BLOGSPOT.

It's just like many of the times when i feel that my life's so empty. I'm just unsure of myself, unsure of what the future's gonna hold for me. Unsure of my new life that i would soon embark on. Unsure of the new friends that i would make. Would they be like them? Would they understand me the way as they did? Would I have just as much fun as I had with them? I know it's selfish, but I can't help comparing. Afterall they were the ones who stuck with me through the suckiest 4 years of my life (having to deal with puberty sucks, pms sucks) .

During that period when we needed to make our decisions for our application for JAE, i "scolded" and "f*ck" some of the people around me. I simply do not understand why are their decisions so affected by where theire friends are going? It's their own future that we're talking about. So why can't they make the decision by following their heart instead of their friends?

I used to think I was the most optimistic one. The most "fang de xia" person who was perfectly alright with going separate ways as my friends after Os. I thought so. But i was wrong. In fact i felt as though I've lost a part of me. A part of me that was taken away when jeng and cherlyn started school. A part of me that I'm gonna lose when everybody starts school at polys. I never know that I could miss them so much. PHS, the people, 4h, 11 bros and sis, burdens, the hall, the canteen, the LIFE. I would give up anything just to have this moment back. It is just so perfect. I really envy those people who are still in secondary school. I really miss everything of PHS. I know changes are part of life but I really don't want to grow up that fast. How I wish I'm forever 16. Forever stuck in the PHS uniform. Having to wake up at 6am forever. Forever mugging for O levels. But can I?

I know I have to feel better. One day I will but defintely not now. I have to adapt to this whole new life. A whole new life without jeng by my side almost everyday. A whole new life whereby I will see new faces that I've never seen before. A whole new life that demands me to grow up faster. Ok, shall sign up for sports camp tomorrow. Gotta give myself a chance :O

It's really really tougher than it was, 4 years ago.